I am aware that everyone has their moments of self-doubt and 'no one cares or understands me'.
Right now, I am going through that. It's compounded by some other things too.
The thing is, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, I have to suffer in silence.
When I have tried to talk about it to others in the past, I've been flat out ignored or basically told to get over it. So, after a while, I stop trying. Because I know nobody cares.
When I see those posts of "Talk to me about anything. I'm here for you." I laugh because I know it's not true. In fact, some of those posts soon after unfollow me. Which is their right, but still...
So, I stay quiet. Because unlike others, if I post my troubles, no one is going to send me a message to cheer me up. It's been proven over and over again.
I know I'm probably not the easiest person to deal with. But I have tried in the past to be there for others. And every time, they aren't there for me.
And I'm putting this out there knowing hardly anyone will read it. And if they do, their problems will out weigh mine. So, I'll be ignored. Again. I'm used to it by now.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Monday, November 17, 2014
Entry #14: Not the Most Exciting of Topics
You know what sucks?
Having a lovely week-long vacation and upon returning, getting a sinus infection.
It was sort of lurking while I was gone. I got back late Thursday and by Sunday morning, misery.
Isn't that how it always goes though? You need a vacaction when you get back from vacation.
As such, while I'm playing catch up in both work and television (I am up to last Sunday on my DVR!), I'll will be downing orange juice and noodle soup. Blowing my nose in excessive amounts. And being a lump on my sofa.
*sniff* *cough* *blah*
Having a lovely week-long vacation and upon returning, getting a sinus infection.
It was sort of lurking while I was gone. I got back late Thursday and by Sunday morning, misery.
Isn't that how it always goes though? You need a vacaction when you get back from vacation.
As such, while I'm playing catch up in both work and television (I am up to last Sunday on my DVR!), I'll will be downing orange juice and noodle soup. Blowing my nose in excessive amounts. And being a lump on my sofa.
*sniff* *cough* *blah*
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Entry #13: The Celebration Message
It was a friend of mine's birthday on Monday. He's just a delightful human being. And one of the things that bonded us was a mutual love of Welcome to Nightvale. As such, this was the message I posted on his Facebook wall:
"Celebrate dear friend. Celebrate your expulsion into an unsuspecting world that did not yet know what had been unleashed upon it. Celebrate with a confectionery delight made with the essence of your foes. And with a festive banner or two. Until next year...good night [name redacted]. Good night. (Seriously, happy birthday.)"
He told me it was breathtaking.
I thanked him as I am quite proud of it! And I said as long as he read it in Cecil's voice, he was welcome.
And now, the weather....
"Celebrate dear friend. Celebrate your expulsion into an unsuspecting world that did not yet know what had been unleashed upon it. Celebrate with a confectionery delight made with the essence of your foes. And with a festive banner or two. Until next year...good night [name redacted]. Good night. (Seriously, happy birthday.)"
He told me it was breathtaking.
I thanked him as I am quite proud of it! And I said as long as he read it in Cecil's voice, he was welcome.
And now, the weather....
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Entry #12: A Little Wish...
My dream scenario for Agents of SHIELD...
Tag at the end of an episode.
May enters a dark bar. We see a person already there and she sits next to them. She gives the bartender a nod. He sets down two shot glasses and fills them. Both people throw them back.
May turns and says, "Same time next week?"
Pull back to reveal Natasha. "Yep."
They leave through separate doors.
I really don't think this is too much to ask.
Tag at the end of an episode.
May enters a dark bar. We see a person already there and she sits next to them. She gives the bartender a nod. He sets down two shot glasses and fills them. Both people throw them back.
May turns and says, "Same time next week?"
Pull back to reveal Natasha. "Yep."
They leave through separate doors.
I really don't think this is too much to ask.
Entry #11: Eventful for Me
I admit, my life wouldn't be considered glamorous by most. But it does have its moments. And I think I can retell a story about those moments very well. As is the case here.
It may not seem like much to some, even most, but for me there was some excitement this past week.
On Wednesday, I don't physically go to work and usually spend the day catching up on work-related things and just relaxing. Couldn't that this week though. So, I had big plans, which I only did half of. But it was the important half.
I got up and going. Deposited a check in the bank. Did some grocery shopping. Got my haircut. Then went to get my oil changed. This all happened in a close area. My grocery store is across the highway from the the small cluster of storefronts that the Great Clips I go to is, as is the other cluster that has one of my bank's branches, which is part of the overall complex that houses the WalMart where I get my oil changed.
It was a Wednesday morning, so there was only one car being worked on and I was told it would be a short time to get my car done. I had already done my shopping and the WalMart Automotive Center does not have wifi (I know, right?!). So, I settled in with a book and halfway paid attention to the tv that had the local news on that the gentleman in front of me was watching.
When he was finished, that left me alone. I kept reading and flipped the channel to the local ABC channel as I wasn't sure if I would still be there by the time The Chew would start. I got absorbed into my book when I heard someone ask, "Are you going to read to me?"
I looked up and one of the workers was getting himself a cup of coffee. I said, "I can if you want."
To which he replied, as one does in these situations, "What are you reading?"
I held up the book and said, "A novel by Julia Quinn."
He said, "Oh, I've read her before, just not that one."
I looked at him for a bit and said, "I'm not sure if you're being serious or not because there are men that read romance novels."
"Don't judge me!"
"I'm not because some men really do read them.!"
He took a sip of his coffee and said, "I used to read a lot. I don't anymore, but I did read some of hers."
We talked a bit more about that then he asked, "Do you like Mafia stories?"
"I do."
"I really liked Joan and Jackie Collins. And Jackie had a series called Lucky. You should read those." He went on to say why he liked them and then asked if that was my car and that it would be done soon. He also introduced himself as Paul.
I went back to my book and few minutes later he came back in and told me my car was ready and he handed me a piece of paper that had the name of series and the author on it!
So, thank you Paul the WalMart Auto Guy, I will add those to the list of my already huge to-read list! (Seriously, I have like 50-75 books at home to read. Used bookstores are the best.)
After all of that, I was tired and hungry and went home, had lunch, and didn't do much else for the day.
Why did I do all that on a Wednesday? Because of what I did on Thursday. I go to my part-time office job on Thursdays. That did happen. But what happened after is the important bit.
I am a hockey fan. Specifically, I am a Detroit Red Wings fan. I live about 2.5-3 hours from Detroit. While I have been to several NHL games (including Wings games), none of them have been at their home, Joe Louis Arena.
My mom had entered a contest on whim and she won. Specifically she won two tickets to the game and a parking pass in the lot right by the arena.
We decided on taking my car, so it had to be in shape for the trip.
I drove a little more than halfway there (that would be the Toledo-area, btw). And just so you know, between my house and Toledo, there is literally no rest stop. There are plenty of exits and in the first part of the trip, several gas stations. But after 2+ hours of driving, one has to really need a bathroom and we couldn't find one. Finally we found a Church's Chicken and it was my favorite thing for that moment.
Anyways, the doors of the Joe opened at 6:00 for the 7:30 start and warm-up would start around 6:30/6:45. We got there in plenty of time for warm up and had good seats.
My boys were playing the Pittsburgh Penguins (BOO!!! ESPECIALLY THEIR CAPTAIN!) Like any good hockey fan, I watch NHL Center Ice often because that means I can see all the Wings games. On Saturday night, they played and went into overtime. I jokingly said, "Now, get that out of your system because you can't do that Thursday. I have to go to work Friday morning!"
Yes, we were heading home right after the game and I was going to work the next morning, knowing I wouldn't be getting a full night's sleep. I am okay with that, because HOCKEY.
I was surprised how many Penguins sweaters there were in the Joe of all places. But, of course, it was mostly fellow Wing fans. The group of five people next time were split between Pens and Wings fans. There's a dad and son behind us. The dad leans over to the son during warm ups and says, "You can boo #87 as much as you want." Good dad.
The first period ended in a tie. The second period we were down 3 to 1. Before the period was up, I took off for the bathroom, knowing the line would be crazy during the break. The two guys at the end of the row hadn't left like rest of their party, but I was polite and said, "Excuse me." I had to wait, but it wasn't too bad.
When I came back in, one of the other guys had joined the. He was the only one that noticed I was waiting. He got the other two to notice I was there. The guy at the very end was rather tipsy, playing on his phone, and wearing a Penguins jersey. I'm wearing my Wings jersey. It's clear where our loyalties lie.
Before he makes room for me to pass, he says, "Where to zombies come from?"
Me, not thinking the fastest, replies, "What? Like the band?"
"No, zombies!"
"Yeah, there's a band called The Zombies."
"No, no, like Night of the Living Dead! That takes place in Pittsburgh, right? Zombie movies!"
"I don't know, the only zombie movie I've watched is Shaun of the Dead." I start to go past him and he awkwardly pats me on the shoulder. This is the strangest attempt at flirting I've ever encountered. Had I been thinking I would have said, "Atlanta" because of The Walking Dead (which I also, do not watch; I'm a vampire girl myself). Also, maybe trying to engage a girl in conversation when you are wearing the opposite team's sweater and talking about that town isn't the best way to go about things.
His friends just laughed at him.
With about five minutes left in the game, we're still down by two and people start heading out to beat the rush.
Their mistake.
With 3:30 left, we score. Then a minute later we score again.
That's right, they didn't listen me and rudely went into overtime! Seriously though, it was great. Super exciting.
Halfway into the five minute OT, we score. We win!
As we headed back to the car, we had a couple of enthusiastic fellow fans yelling, "RED WINGS!" every 30 second, to the point, I couldn't hear anything my mother was saying to me the walk back to the car.
The drive home was uneventful, which is want you want really.
All in, good times. Go Wings.
It may not seem like much to some, even most, but for me there was some excitement this past week.
On Wednesday, I don't physically go to work and usually spend the day catching up on work-related things and just relaxing. Couldn't that this week though. So, I had big plans, which I only did half of. But it was the important half.
I got up and going. Deposited a check in the bank. Did some grocery shopping. Got my haircut. Then went to get my oil changed. This all happened in a close area. My grocery store is across the highway from the the small cluster of storefronts that the Great Clips I go to is, as is the other cluster that has one of my bank's branches, which is part of the overall complex that houses the WalMart where I get my oil changed.
It was a Wednesday morning, so there was only one car being worked on and I was told it would be a short time to get my car done. I had already done my shopping and the WalMart Automotive Center does not have wifi (I know, right?!). So, I settled in with a book and halfway paid attention to the tv that had the local news on that the gentleman in front of me was watching.
When he was finished, that left me alone. I kept reading and flipped the channel to the local ABC channel as I wasn't sure if I would still be there by the time The Chew would start. I got absorbed into my book when I heard someone ask, "Are you going to read to me?"
I looked up and one of the workers was getting himself a cup of coffee. I said, "I can if you want."
To which he replied, as one does in these situations, "What are you reading?"
I held up the book and said, "A novel by Julia Quinn."
He said, "Oh, I've read her before, just not that one."
I looked at him for a bit and said, "I'm not sure if you're being serious or not because there are men that read romance novels."
"Don't judge me!"
"I'm not because some men really do read them.!"
He took a sip of his coffee and said, "I used to read a lot. I don't anymore, but I did read some of hers."
We talked a bit more about that then he asked, "Do you like Mafia stories?"
"I do."
"I really liked Joan and Jackie Collins. And Jackie had a series called Lucky. You should read those." He went on to say why he liked them and then asked if that was my car and that it would be done soon. He also introduced himself as Paul.
I went back to my book and few minutes later he came back in and told me my car was ready and he handed me a piece of paper that had the name of series and the author on it!
So, thank you Paul the WalMart Auto Guy, I will add those to the list of my already huge to-read list! (Seriously, I have like 50-75 books at home to read. Used bookstores are the best.)
After all of that, I was tired and hungry and went home, had lunch, and didn't do much else for the day.
Why did I do all that on a Wednesday? Because of what I did on Thursday. I go to my part-time office job on Thursdays. That did happen. But what happened after is the important bit.
I am a hockey fan. Specifically, I am a Detroit Red Wings fan. I live about 2.5-3 hours from Detroit. While I have been to several NHL games (including Wings games), none of them have been at their home, Joe Louis Arena.
My mom had entered a contest on whim and she won. Specifically she won two tickets to the game and a parking pass in the lot right by the arena.
We decided on taking my car, so it had to be in shape for the trip.
I drove a little more than halfway there (that would be the Toledo-area, btw). And just so you know, between my house and Toledo, there is literally no rest stop. There are plenty of exits and in the first part of the trip, several gas stations. But after 2+ hours of driving, one has to really need a bathroom and we couldn't find one. Finally we found a Church's Chicken and it was my favorite thing for that moment.
Anyways, the doors of the Joe opened at 6:00 for the 7:30 start and warm-up would start around 6:30/6:45. We got there in plenty of time for warm up and had good seats.
My boys were playing the Pittsburgh Penguins (BOO!!! ESPECIALLY THEIR CAPTAIN!) Like any good hockey fan, I watch NHL Center Ice often because that means I can see all the Wings games. On Saturday night, they played and went into overtime. I jokingly said, "Now, get that out of your system because you can't do that Thursday. I have to go to work Friday morning!"
Yes, we were heading home right after the game and I was going to work the next morning, knowing I wouldn't be getting a full night's sleep. I am okay with that, because HOCKEY.
I was surprised how many Penguins sweaters there were in the Joe of all places. But, of course, it was mostly fellow Wing fans. The group of five people next time were split between Pens and Wings fans. There's a dad and son behind us. The dad leans over to the son during warm ups and says, "You can boo #87 as much as you want." Good dad.
The first period ended in a tie. The second period we were down 3 to 1. Before the period was up, I took off for the bathroom, knowing the line would be crazy during the break. The two guys at the end of the row hadn't left like rest of their party, but I was polite and said, "Excuse me." I had to wait, but it wasn't too bad.
When I came back in, one of the other guys had joined the. He was the only one that noticed I was waiting. He got the other two to notice I was there. The guy at the very end was rather tipsy, playing on his phone, and wearing a Penguins jersey. I'm wearing my Wings jersey. It's clear where our loyalties lie.
Before he makes room for me to pass, he says, "Where to zombies come from?"
Me, not thinking the fastest, replies, "What? Like the band?"
"No, zombies!"
"Yeah, there's a band called The Zombies."
"No, no, like Night of the Living Dead! That takes place in Pittsburgh, right? Zombie movies!"
"I don't know, the only zombie movie I've watched is Shaun of the Dead." I start to go past him and he awkwardly pats me on the shoulder. This is the strangest attempt at flirting I've ever encountered. Had I been thinking I would have said, "Atlanta" because of The Walking Dead (which I also, do not watch; I'm a vampire girl myself). Also, maybe trying to engage a girl in conversation when you are wearing the opposite team's sweater and talking about that town isn't the best way to go about things.
His friends just laughed at him.
With about five minutes left in the game, we're still down by two and people start heading out to beat the rush.
Their mistake.
With 3:30 left, we score. Then a minute later we score again.
That's right, they didn't listen me and rudely went into overtime! Seriously though, it was great. Super exciting.
Halfway into the five minute OT, we score. We win!
As we headed back to the car, we had a couple of enthusiastic fellow fans yelling, "RED WINGS!" every 30 second, to the point, I couldn't hear anything my mother was saying to me the walk back to the car.
The drive home was uneventful, which is want you want really.
All in, good times. Go Wings.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Entry #10: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?
If you haven't already determined from my age, I was a child of the 80's. As such, I grew up with the John Hughes oeuvre.
One of my earliest memories of my cousins was us playing The Breakfast Club. What this meant to our 7/8 year-old selves was that we would pick a character to pretend to be while watching the movie. Not quoting the lines or anything, just us pointing one out and saying, "That's me." They both always picked Allison, because they wanted Andrew. I always picked Claire, not the least of which was because of her romantic partner of choice. Yes, John Bender shaped my weakness for fictional bad boys with a purpose and sympathetic backstory for the rest of my life. I took a quiz, in YM I think, back in early high school days of What Type of Guy Do You Prefer. It determined The Tortured Soul was for me. It was right. And it's all Judd Nelson's fault.
Also, I live for the day I can naturally work the quote in the title of this post into a conversation. (In a special moment, Robert Lutece himself favorited a Tweet to him stating that very thing!)
Anyways, I watched them all, with a special affinity for the high school movies over the general family comedies.
Even as I have grown up, I still appreciate what Ferris Bueller accomplished and am not even bothered by his behavior. I look for the key pieces when I go to the Art Institute. Heck, I originally went to the Art Institute partially because of this movie. And now it's one of my favorite museums!
When I was younger, and even somewhat today, I wanted Andie to pick Duckie. But as I got older, I started leaning toward Stef. (But not Blane. Never Blane. That's not a name; that's a major appliance.)
However, a couple of years ago something really started to bug me about one of the films. Yes, just the one thing.
It's in Sixteen Candles.
Of course, I, like all sane girls, love Jake Ryan. So, he's never the issue. But he is in the scene that is the cause of all this worry.
It's Samantha's sister's wedding. Why isn't she going to the reception? She's 16 and a bridesmaid. Isn't she pretty much required? Or was this her parents' belated birthday present? I mean, she could have done the reception line and then have Jake whisk her away and still have the ultra-romantic table/birthday cake moment.
Clearly I think about the important things in life.
One of my earliest memories of my cousins was us playing The Breakfast Club. What this meant to our 7/8 year-old selves was that we would pick a character to pretend to be while watching the movie. Not quoting the lines or anything, just us pointing one out and saying, "That's me." They both always picked Allison, because they wanted Andrew. I always picked Claire, not the least of which was because of her romantic partner of choice. Yes, John Bender shaped my weakness for fictional bad boys with a purpose and sympathetic backstory for the rest of my life. I took a quiz, in YM I think, back in early high school days of What Type of Guy Do You Prefer. It determined The Tortured Soul was for me. It was right. And it's all Judd Nelson's fault.
Also, I live for the day I can naturally work the quote in the title of this post into a conversation. (In a special moment, Robert Lutece himself favorited a Tweet to him stating that very thing!)
Anyways, I watched them all, with a special affinity for the high school movies over the general family comedies.
Even as I have grown up, I still appreciate what Ferris Bueller accomplished and am not even bothered by his behavior. I look for the key pieces when I go to the Art Institute. Heck, I originally went to the Art Institute partially because of this movie. And now it's one of my favorite museums!
When I was younger, and even somewhat today, I wanted Andie to pick Duckie. But as I got older, I started leaning toward Stef. (But not Blane. Never Blane. That's not a name; that's a major appliance.)
However, a couple of years ago something really started to bug me about one of the films. Yes, just the one thing.
It's in Sixteen Candles.
Of course, I, like all sane girls, love Jake Ryan. So, he's never the issue. But he is in the scene that is the cause of all this worry.
It's Samantha's sister's wedding. Why isn't she going to the reception? She's 16 and a bridesmaid. Isn't she pretty much required? Or was this her parents' belated birthday present? I mean, she could have done the reception line and then have Jake whisk her away and still have the ultra-romantic table/birthday cake moment.
Clearly I think about the important things in life.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Entry #9: Doesn't Disappoint
I fell off my intended schedule early on, so this one is so soon after the other to make up for that.
Out of my Wednesday shows, or all shows really, there is one that will never disappoint me. That's because I only expect four things from it and those things will always deliver.
I'm referring to American Horror Story.
Every season, I only expect four things:
And extra bonus for unexpected musical moments.
And it delivers Every. Single. Time.
I mean, we got Life on Mars tonight! And a promise of Criminal! Double bonus!
So, four for you show. You go show.
Out of my Wednesday shows, or all shows really, there is one that will never disappoint me. That's because I only expect four things from it and those things will always deliver.
I'm referring to American Horror Story.
Every season, I only expect four things:
- Disturbing imagery.
- Excessive violence.
- Impressive acting.
- Jessica Lange in amazing wardrobe.
And extra bonus for unexpected musical moments.
And it delivers Every. Single. Time.
I mean, we got Life on Mars tonight! And a promise of Criminal! Double bonus!
So, four for you show. You go show.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Entry #8: Why I'm Team Oliver
So, Arrow comes back to night and I'm equal amounts terrified and excited. Of course I've been soaking up the articles and watching all the clips. And reading what others have to say. And since I've been watching this show, I've noticed a trend.
I've made no secret I am an Oliver/Felicity fan. As are, I've gathered, most of the audience for this show. However, the trend I've noticed is that what ever choices are made, what ever happens, it's Oliver's fault. He's always in the wrong. Felicity is always right. And so on and so forth.
Now, this isn't the first show something like this has happened on. Not just in romantic relationships, but in general. The lead character must be taught a lesson by the supporting cast/guest of the storyline. It is easily my least favorite trope of entertainment. It has been since the days of Buffy. Specifically since Dead Man's Party was first on and Willow, Xander and Joyce were angry at Buffy for not wanting to have a big welcome home party after she clearly left home didn't contact anyone for a reason. A reason they didn't deem worthy. And let's not even talk about the horrid moment in Season 7 where the only two people (besides Buffy) I didn't hate were Andrew and Spike. And Andrew only gets a pass because he wasn't there (though I'd like to believe he would have stood up for her too). But, I digress.
Felicity is easily my favorite character on the show. Out of pretty much any fictional character ever, she's the one I most identify with. Many of the criticisms people have of her, I take personally because they are traits I have. That being said, there were moments in S2 that I hated her. And all of them centered around the same theme.
Dig would say to me the same thing he said to Oliver, I didn't have a problem with Felicity until Barry Allen.
To say I dislike Barry is understatement. But, for the most part, this post isn't about him directly, though he will be referenced a few times.
Oliver was not wrong.
Let me repeat that, because most people seem to want to jump all over him because Barry is "so sweet". Remember, we, as an audience, know that Barry Allen is destined to become a well-known super-hero. But let's say he wasn't and committed the exact same actions. Would people be so forgiving of him? So, no, Oliver wasn't wrong to call him out.
Felicity was wrong in not bothering to see Oliver's side in all this. And if she was so right that he was a good guy, wouldn't a responsible good guy to to someone with that information? And said information would not only endanger Oliver, but Dig and herself? That was Oliver's point and it was a fair one.
But no, because he was awkward and had a tragic backstory, his actions should be forgiven and forgotten and Oliver raked over the coals for sharing his concerns.
I know Oliver is far from perfect. That's pretty much the theme of the show. I know he doesn't make the right choices often. But he's learning and that's what we're watching. That journey of learning from his many mistakes.
So, yes, Felicity, Barry did save Oliver's life but sorry, you don't have the complete upper hand there. What if Barry had made his train? Then what? And Oliver had just almost died so he earned the right to be snippy at the guy who lied to all of you and could possibly bring all your world's crashing down.
And this isn't even taking into consideration the whole jealousy thing.
Then, after the Christmas break we find out Felicity is sitting vigil at the bedside of a guy she knew for a whole week. She spent more time with him in a coma than awake. And she was gone a lot. Guess what Felicity, that job you hate you have? If anyone else was your boss, including your old IT job, you wouldn't have that luxury to take off and do that. Where was your apology or recognition for that?
And Felicity, you know that Arrow work is stressful and life-or-death. Your error (and it was an error) was costly. And yes, he overreacted, but so did you. Oh, so did you. And then when you knew he was in the field, your nasty comment? Too far.
But after all that, who apologized? Oliver. Because he's learning.
Then, she finds out later that Iris exists and is quite important in a romantic way to Barry. And she's rightly hurt but where's her indignation about that? Nowhere. That's where. And it's unfair.
So much rage about that. Anyways, why I'm Team Oliver even more, came up because of these episodes.
I love Sara. Not just because of her name either. But I am far from a fan of her and Oliver's relationship. But I understand it.
For her, this was the guy she was "in love with" since she was a teenager. And they went through something together no one else would understand. And he was a reminder of who she used to be. That being said, Oliver was her rebound because she was never over Nyssa. Who she was actually in love with.
But this is about Oliver. I've read people say how could he get with Sara when he knew he was in love with Felicity. I do believe he was not only in love with her at this point, but also realized it (these are two different things by the way). I've also read that Felicity is pining of Oliver while he wasn't interested yet. To which I say, what show are you watching? Because the one I am watching has Oliver Queen way more in love with Felicity and pining for her than the other way around.
Think about it from Oliver's perspective. He knows she thinks he's attractive. And he knows he's attractive. He spent years trading in on that. So, her liking watching him work out means very little in this matter. And yes, he plays up to it because he likes having Felicity's attention. That being said, after Russia (which is another point), she tells him he deserves better. Not making it about her at all (when it was all about her). Then she openly defends the guy who lied to her (about multiple things) against him. And then mentions that same guy is the first guy that's been interested in her in a long time. Meaning she hasn't noticed how Oliver sees her. So, from his point of view, she's not even remotely interested in him.
What should he do at that point?
Sara comes to him and, like above, she shares something with him no one else does. Also, looking at all the women he dated thus far, he feels a need to "fix" them. Whether they need it or not. (See, Helena and even a bit of McKenna, who I loved.) He feels guilt over what happened to Sara (and some of it is on him, true). So, after all this, he feels he owes her a chance at a relationship because the person he actually wants isn't giving him anything.
He loves Sara. He likely always will As he does her sister. But he was never in love with either of them. Loving and being in love are two different things.
Even though I'm not happy about it, I even understand the Isabel situation. Remember, we've already established he's learning. In Oliver's mind, he was protecting Felicity by sleeping with Isabel. That proves to Isabel that Felicity isn't his piece of fluff and Oliver is the king of self-sabotage. He likely didn't think Felicity would find out but at the same time, if she did, it's proof for her that he can't be good for her.
Because he honestly believes that. That he's not good enough for someone who isn't as damaged as he is (see Sara). But he's trying.
And he did mean it when he told her he loved her. Because he knew it may be his last chance. IT happened to help the plan. Which, I believe that he told Felicity that he needed her help and to just go with whatever he said so he could slip her the syringe. And of course she agreed. But I don't even think he knew exactly what he was going to say until they go there. But he said something because Felicity wouldn't just blindly go with him without asking some questions.
So yeah, I'm Team Oliver. And I have a feeling, with all the spoilers we've been getting, I will continue to be. And yes, that means disliking Felicity again. (Don't get me wrong, I don't just forgive and handwave Oliver's actions. There's been times I've been very upset with him. But I understand where he's coming from.)
That being said, after tonight's season premiere, I reserve my right to completely change my mind!
EDITED TO ADD:
The episode is over and yes, I'm more Team Oliver than ever.
I've made no secret I am an Oliver/Felicity fan. As are, I've gathered, most of the audience for this show. However, the trend I've noticed is that what ever choices are made, what ever happens, it's Oliver's fault. He's always in the wrong. Felicity is always right. And so on and so forth.
Now, this isn't the first show something like this has happened on. Not just in romantic relationships, but in general. The lead character must be taught a lesson by the supporting cast/guest of the storyline. It is easily my least favorite trope of entertainment. It has been since the days of Buffy. Specifically since Dead Man's Party was first on and Willow, Xander and Joyce were angry at Buffy for not wanting to have a big welcome home party after she clearly left home didn't contact anyone for a reason. A reason they didn't deem worthy. And let's not even talk about the horrid moment in Season 7 where the only two people (besides Buffy) I didn't hate were Andrew and Spike. And Andrew only gets a pass because he wasn't there (though I'd like to believe he would have stood up for her too). But, I digress.
Felicity is easily my favorite character on the show. Out of pretty much any fictional character ever, she's the one I most identify with. Many of the criticisms people have of her, I take personally because they are traits I have. That being said, there were moments in S2 that I hated her. And all of them centered around the same theme.
Dig would say to me the same thing he said to Oliver, I didn't have a problem with Felicity until Barry Allen.
To say I dislike Barry is understatement. But, for the most part, this post isn't about him directly, though he will be referenced a few times.
Oliver was not wrong.
Let me repeat that, because most people seem to want to jump all over him because Barry is "so sweet". Remember, we, as an audience, know that Barry Allen is destined to become a well-known super-hero. But let's say he wasn't and committed the exact same actions. Would people be so forgiving of him? So, no, Oliver wasn't wrong to call him out.
Felicity was wrong in not bothering to see Oliver's side in all this. And if she was so right that he was a good guy, wouldn't a responsible good guy to to someone with that information? And said information would not only endanger Oliver, but Dig and herself? That was Oliver's point and it was a fair one.
But no, because he was awkward and had a tragic backstory, his actions should be forgiven and forgotten and Oliver raked over the coals for sharing his concerns.
I know Oliver is far from perfect. That's pretty much the theme of the show. I know he doesn't make the right choices often. But he's learning and that's what we're watching. That journey of learning from his many mistakes.
So, yes, Felicity, Barry did save Oliver's life but sorry, you don't have the complete upper hand there. What if Barry had made his train? Then what? And Oliver had just almost died so he earned the right to be snippy at the guy who lied to all of you and could possibly bring all your world's crashing down.
And this isn't even taking into consideration the whole jealousy thing.
Then, after the Christmas break we find out Felicity is sitting vigil at the bedside of a guy she knew for a whole week. She spent more time with him in a coma than awake. And she was gone a lot. Guess what Felicity, that job you hate you have? If anyone else was your boss, including your old IT job, you wouldn't have that luxury to take off and do that. Where was your apology or recognition for that?
And Felicity, you know that Arrow work is stressful and life-or-death. Your error (and it was an error) was costly. And yes, he overreacted, but so did you. Oh, so did you. And then when you knew he was in the field, your nasty comment? Too far.
But after all that, who apologized? Oliver. Because he's learning.
Then, she finds out later that Iris exists and is quite important in a romantic way to Barry. And she's rightly hurt but where's her indignation about that? Nowhere. That's where. And it's unfair.
So much rage about that. Anyways, why I'm Team Oliver even more, came up because of these episodes.
I love Sara. Not just because of her name either. But I am far from a fan of her and Oliver's relationship. But I understand it.
For her, this was the guy she was "in love with" since she was a teenager. And they went through something together no one else would understand. And he was a reminder of who she used to be. That being said, Oliver was her rebound because she was never over Nyssa. Who she was actually in love with.
But this is about Oliver. I've read people say how could he get with Sara when he knew he was in love with Felicity. I do believe he was not only in love with her at this point, but also realized it (these are two different things by the way). I've also read that Felicity is pining of Oliver while he wasn't interested yet. To which I say, what show are you watching? Because the one I am watching has Oliver Queen way more in love with Felicity and pining for her than the other way around.
Think about it from Oliver's perspective. He knows she thinks he's attractive. And he knows he's attractive. He spent years trading in on that. So, her liking watching him work out means very little in this matter. And yes, he plays up to it because he likes having Felicity's attention. That being said, after Russia (which is another point), she tells him he deserves better. Not making it about her at all (when it was all about her). Then she openly defends the guy who lied to her (about multiple things) against him. And then mentions that same guy is the first guy that's been interested in her in a long time. Meaning she hasn't noticed how Oliver sees her. So, from his point of view, she's not even remotely interested in him.
What should he do at that point?
Sara comes to him and, like above, she shares something with him no one else does. Also, looking at all the women he dated thus far, he feels a need to "fix" them. Whether they need it or not. (See, Helena and even a bit of McKenna, who I loved.) He feels guilt over what happened to Sara (and some of it is on him, true). So, after all this, he feels he owes her a chance at a relationship because the person he actually wants isn't giving him anything.
He loves Sara. He likely always will As he does her sister. But he was never in love with either of them. Loving and being in love are two different things.
Even though I'm not happy about it, I even understand the Isabel situation. Remember, we've already established he's learning. In Oliver's mind, he was protecting Felicity by sleeping with Isabel. That proves to Isabel that Felicity isn't his piece of fluff and Oliver is the king of self-sabotage. He likely didn't think Felicity would find out but at the same time, if she did, it's proof for her that he can't be good for her.
Because he honestly believes that. That he's not good enough for someone who isn't as damaged as he is (see Sara). But he's trying.
And he did mean it when he told her he loved her. Because he knew it may be his last chance. IT happened to help the plan. Which, I believe that he told Felicity that he needed her help and to just go with whatever he said so he could slip her the syringe. And of course she agreed. But I don't even think he knew exactly what he was going to say until they go there. But he said something because Felicity wouldn't just blindly go with him without asking some questions.
So yeah, I'm Team Oliver. And I have a feeling, with all the spoilers we've been getting, I will continue to be. And yes, that means disliking Felicity again. (Don't get me wrong, I don't just forgive and handwave Oliver's actions. There's been times I've been very upset with him. But I understand where he's coming from.)
That being said, after tonight's season premiere, I reserve my right to completely change my mind!
EDITED TO ADD:
The episode is over and yes, I'm more Team Oliver than ever.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Entry #7: Like FedEx, UPS and DHL Combined
I am a shipper. I ship. It's what I do. I watch something, I usually come away with a couple or two that I root for. Mostly television, movies, books (and I mostly read romance novels). If I had to pinpoint, it is because I have watched soap operas since I was a baby. My great-grandmother, grandmother, and mother all watched them. So did my baby sitter. I didn't have a choice. Of course, I've kept up the habit all these years.
I tend to be a single-shipper instead of a multi-shipper. I rarely am cool with a character possibly being with more than one choice. (If you do, that's your business, just not my thing.) That being said, not all of those are OTPs. But there are those that I feel very strongly about. That I am not cool with them being with anyone else once the other half of that is in the picture.
That's not to say none of these people haven't had relationships before. In fact, most, if not all, of them have had someone in the past. But I now concentrate on the present and the future. And when it comes to my OTPs, they are both of those. I never wish to see them with anyone else. I think maybe, that's because that's what I want for myself. I want to see them be together. Only have eyes for each other. I don't expect it to be sunshine and rainbows.
I read often that once the couple gets together it's boring. I say rubbish to that. That just means the writers aren't talented enough to work around it. They can be a couple and it not being the center of the show. Let them hold hands when walking together. Let them give one another peck when leaving a room. Remind the other of the grocery list in the middle of a conversation. Little intimate touches when next to each other that don't draw attention. One answer the other's phone because the other is asleep next to them. It can be done!
So, I'm going to list here my Top 5 All-Time OTPs and my Top 5 Current OTPs (that is couples in media that is currently producing new product).
Top 5 All-Time OTPs
These are my ride or die pairings. The ones I love the most and for the longest. The ones I will defend (and have on a couple) no matter what.
1. Doctor/Rose Doctor Who
(Every version. These are just the three that have appeared together on screen.)
They are my number one. As I said, every single version. Yes, even One. I just love them so much. Their love story is just...it spans all of time and space and more than one universe! Beat that! I could go on and on and on and on about them. But I won't. Just know don't ever talk bad about them to me. I won't be held responsible for my action.
2. Spike/Buffy Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Another one I will defend always. Yes, I have watched the show (probably longer than you have). Yes, I know what happened in season six. None of that will sway me. I shipped them long before they were a possibility. In fact, Angel was still the main push when these two caught my eye. So, when this episode (Something Blue, season four) happened I was over the moon and thought that was it. Oh how pleasantly surprised I was. Even Joss says Spike's the one for Buffy. And he should know.
3. Luka/Abby ER
This is the couple that taught me patience. I wanted them together from the moment she asked them on their first date. Then they were just a great couple. Then the dark years came. The Carter years. But I waited. Because I knew. And eventually my patience was rewarded and A Simple Twist of Fate happened. Then Two Ships happened and I was giddy. They finally got married! Then another dark time happened that I like to pretend didn't happen. But in the end, they were THE ER couple. Only second to Doug/Carol in the all-time greats of the whole show (I like Doug/Carol, but they aren't MY couple). So, because of them, I can wait for any of my couples.
4. Erik/Christine Phantom of the Opera
I like every version of them but the musical is what made me fall in love with them. And yes, I'm a Phan that loves the movie as much as the stage show. We do exist. Anyways, my heart always breaks for them at the end. I always will Christine to make a different choice. And I have convinced myself that she goes back to him. (It's my blog and my fantasy, I can do what I want!) This is also probably the ship I've had the longest as it's been pretty much since I discovered the show when I was in middle school.
5. Barney/Robin How I Met Your Mother
Look, they got married and lived happily ever after. THE END. (It's still too soon to talk about it.)
Top 5 Current OTPs
As mentioned above, these are the ones where things could change. I may love them all a lot but it could still go terribly wrong and I could end up hating them. (It's doubtful, but you never know.) These are not in any particular order unlike the above list.
1. Jeff/Annie Community
The funny thing about a lot of these couples on this list and the one above, I didn't start their shows shipping them (there are exceptions of course). It just happened all of the sudden. This was one of them. Also, in my opinion, Joel McHale and Allison Brie have the best kissing chemistry of any two actors I've ever seen.
2. Oliver/Felicity Arrow
I didn't even ship them by the end of the first season. I wasn't against them but I wasn't all out on them either. Then a switch flipped and now they are pretty much taking over my life. I am so nervous about this up coming season. I just know the writers have the potential to mess it up. Anyways, why this picture? Because it precedes my favorite moment of theirs. Which is this:
3. Ethan/Brona Penny Dreadful
Ugh. You don't know pain until you ship these two. I never thought I'd ever want to see Billie Piper with anyone not played by David Tennant. Then this happened. And, well, Ethan better have meant it when he said, "Then I'll love what she becomes."
4. Clint/Natasha Marvel Cinematic Universe
This also bleeds over to the comics, but mainly it's the movies. I mean, she made the Avengers happen because they took him. They beat the snot out of each other and it was fantastic. THE ARROW NECKLACE. I'm hoping the one rumor floating about proves false, but no matter, I still love them.
5. Hayley/Elijah The Originals
From the spoilers from season two thus far, I'm unimpressed. But their chemistry can't be denied and I will never forget the beauty of their season one arc.
Bonus Ship:
Hannah Baxter/Peter Carlisle Secret Diary of a Call Girl/Blackpool (Complications Minor)
I don't have a picture for these two because, well, I made it up!
I wrote a novel-length fic about this crossover pairing. Because I just knew these two characters would hit it off. Now I can't accept them with anyone else!
Of course I have many others. I didn't even touch on the world of soap operas. But even with those, I'd say these are still my main ones.
I tend to be a single-shipper instead of a multi-shipper. I rarely am cool with a character possibly being with more than one choice. (If you do, that's your business, just not my thing.) That being said, not all of those are OTPs. But there are those that I feel very strongly about. That I am not cool with them being with anyone else once the other half of that is in the picture.
That's not to say none of these people haven't had relationships before. In fact, most, if not all, of them have had someone in the past. But I now concentrate on the present and the future. And when it comes to my OTPs, they are both of those. I never wish to see them with anyone else. I think maybe, that's because that's what I want for myself. I want to see them be together. Only have eyes for each other. I don't expect it to be sunshine and rainbows.
I read often that once the couple gets together it's boring. I say rubbish to that. That just means the writers aren't talented enough to work around it. They can be a couple and it not being the center of the show. Let them hold hands when walking together. Let them give one another peck when leaving a room. Remind the other of the grocery list in the middle of a conversation. Little intimate touches when next to each other that don't draw attention. One answer the other's phone because the other is asleep next to them. It can be done!
So, I'm going to list here my Top 5 All-Time OTPs and my Top 5 Current OTPs (that is couples in media that is currently producing new product).
Top 5 All-Time OTPs
These are my ride or die pairings. The ones I love the most and for the longest. The ones I will defend (and have on a couple) no matter what.
1. Doctor/Rose Doctor Who
(Every version. These are just the three that have appeared together on screen.)
They are my number one. As I said, every single version. Yes, even One. I just love them so much. Their love story is just...it spans all of time and space and more than one universe! Beat that! I could go on and on and on and on about them. But I won't. Just know don't ever talk bad about them to me. I won't be held responsible for my action.
2. Spike/Buffy Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Another one I will defend always. Yes, I have watched the show (probably longer than you have). Yes, I know what happened in season six. None of that will sway me. I shipped them long before they were a possibility. In fact, Angel was still the main push when these two caught my eye. So, when this episode (Something Blue, season four) happened I was over the moon and thought that was it. Oh how pleasantly surprised I was. Even Joss says Spike's the one for Buffy. And he should know.
3. Luka/Abby ER
This is the couple that taught me patience. I wanted them together from the moment she asked them on their first date. Then they were just a great couple. Then the dark years came. The Carter years. But I waited. Because I knew. And eventually my patience was rewarded and A Simple Twist of Fate happened. Then Two Ships happened and I was giddy. They finally got married! Then another dark time happened that I like to pretend didn't happen. But in the end, they were THE ER couple. Only second to Doug/Carol in the all-time greats of the whole show (I like Doug/Carol, but they aren't MY couple). So, because of them, I can wait for any of my couples.
4. Erik/Christine Phantom of the Opera
I like every version of them but the musical is what made me fall in love with them. And yes, I'm a Phan that loves the movie as much as the stage show. We do exist. Anyways, my heart always breaks for them at the end. I always will Christine to make a different choice. And I have convinced myself that she goes back to him. (It's my blog and my fantasy, I can do what I want!) This is also probably the ship I've had the longest as it's been pretty much since I discovered the show when I was in middle school.
5. Barney/Robin How I Met Your Mother
Look, they got married and lived happily ever after. THE END. (It's still too soon to talk about it.)
Top 5 Current OTPs
As mentioned above, these are the ones where things could change. I may love them all a lot but it could still go terribly wrong and I could end up hating them. (It's doubtful, but you never know.) These are not in any particular order unlike the above list.
1. Jeff/Annie Community
The funny thing about a lot of these couples on this list and the one above, I didn't start their shows shipping them (there are exceptions of course). It just happened all of the sudden. This was one of them. Also, in my opinion, Joel McHale and Allison Brie have the best kissing chemistry of any two actors I've ever seen.
2. Oliver/Felicity Arrow
I didn't even ship them by the end of the first season. I wasn't against them but I wasn't all out on them either. Then a switch flipped and now they are pretty much taking over my life. I am so nervous about this up coming season. I just know the writers have the potential to mess it up. Anyways, why this picture? Because it precedes my favorite moment of theirs. Which is this:
3. Ethan/Brona Penny Dreadful
Ugh. You don't know pain until you ship these two. I never thought I'd ever want to see Billie Piper with anyone not played by David Tennant. Then this happened. And, well, Ethan better have meant it when he said, "Then I'll love what she becomes."
4. Clint/Natasha Marvel Cinematic Universe
This also bleeds over to the comics, but mainly it's the movies. I mean, she made the Avengers happen because they took him. They beat the snot out of each other and it was fantastic. THE ARROW NECKLACE. I'm hoping the one rumor floating about proves false, but no matter, I still love them.
5. Hayley/Elijah The Originals
From the spoilers from season two thus far, I'm unimpressed. But their chemistry can't be denied and I will never forget the beauty of their season one arc.
Bonus Ship:
Hannah Baxter/Peter Carlisle Secret Diary of a Call Girl/Blackpool (Complications Minor)
I don't have a picture for these two because, well, I made it up!
I wrote a novel-length fic about this crossover pairing. Because I just knew these two characters would hit it off. Now I can't accept them with anyone else!
Of course I have many others. I didn't even touch on the world of soap operas. But even with those, I'd say these are still my main ones.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Entry #6: TV Is My Addiction and That's Okay
I was going to post something else this week but time got away from me and what I wanted to do was sort of involved. So, maybe next week. Or eventually.
Instead, since the fall season is starting up, here is my proposed schedule for each night.
Sunday:
7:00 PM: Bob's Burgers (Fox)
8:00 PM: The Simpsons (Fox)
Once Upon a Time (ABC)
9:00 PM: Family Guy (Fox)
Boardwalk Empire (HBO)
10:00 PM: True Detective repeat (HBO)
Monday:
8:00 PM: Dancing with the Stars (ABC)
The Originals (CW)
The Voice (NBC)
9:00 PM: Sleepy Hollow (Fox)
Tuesday:
8:00 PM: The Voice (NBC)
9:00 PM: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC)
New Girl (Fox)
9:30 PM: The Mindy Project (Fox)
10:00 PM: Forever (ABC)
Wednesday:
8:00 PM: Arrow (CW)
10:00 PM: American Horror Story: Freak Show (FX)
Thursday:
8:00 PM: The Vampire Diaries (CW)
9:00 PM: Gracepoint (Fox)
White Collar (USA)
9:30 PM: A to Z (NBC)
10:00 PM: Elementary (CBS)
Covert Affairs (USA)
Friday:
9:00 PM: Grimm (NBC)
10:00 PM: Blue Bloods (CBS)
Saturday:
9:00 PM: Ghost Adventures (Travel)
11:30 PM: Saturday Night Live (NBC)
So, there are some overlaps (Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday). Some nights are light (Wednesday and Friday). Some shows are finishing their runs (Boardwalk Empire and White Collar). Some I'm watching more out of habit than enjoyment and may possibly drop them if the show doesn't pick up (The Mindy Project and Covert Affairs). Some shows are making me nervous with the spoilers which may make them make or break for me (The Originals and Arrow). And, of course, there are a few new ones (Forever, Gracepoint, and A to Z).
When the mid-season winter premieres pop up, we'll revisit this list and see what, if anything, has changed, beyond shows that just aren't on seasonally.
P.S. I discovered while trying to publish this post you may only have 20 labels not exceeding 200 characters. The more you know.
Instead, since the fall season is starting up, here is my proposed schedule for each night.
Sunday:
7:00 PM: Bob's Burgers (Fox)
8:00 PM: The Simpsons (Fox)
Once Upon a Time (ABC)
9:00 PM: Family Guy (Fox)
Boardwalk Empire (HBO)
10:00 PM: True Detective repeat (HBO)
Monday:
8:00 PM: Dancing with the Stars (ABC)
The Originals (CW)
The Voice (NBC)
9:00 PM: Sleepy Hollow (Fox)
Tuesday:
8:00 PM: The Voice (NBC)
9:00 PM: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC)
New Girl (Fox)
9:30 PM: The Mindy Project (Fox)
10:00 PM: Forever (ABC)
Wednesday:
8:00 PM: Arrow (CW)
10:00 PM: American Horror Story: Freak Show (FX)
Thursday:
8:00 PM: The Vampire Diaries (CW)
9:00 PM: Gracepoint (Fox)
White Collar (USA)
9:30 PM: A to Z (NBC)
10:00 PM: Elementary (CBS)
Covert Affairs (USA)
Friday:
9:00 PM: Grimm (NBC)
10:00 PM: Blue Bloods (CBS)
Saturday:
9:00 PM: Ghost Adventures (Travel)
11:30 PM: Saturday Night Live (NBC)
So, there are some overlaps (Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday). Some nights are light (Wednesday and Friday). Some shows are finishing their runs (Boardwalk Empire and White Collar). Some I'm watching more out of habit than enjoyment and may possibly drop them if the show doesn't pick up (The Mindy Project and Covert Affairs). Some shows are making me nervous with the spoilers which may make them make or break for me (The Originals and Arrow). And, of course, there are a few new ones (Forever, Gracepoint, and A to Z).
When the mid-season winter premieres pop up, we'll revisit this list and see what, if anything, has changed, beyond shows that just aren't on seasonally.
P.S. I discovered while trying to publish this post you may only have 20 labels not exceeding 200 characters. The more you know.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Entry #5: The Ego Boost (Part the First)
I don't think I'm especially hideous. In fact, I think my face is quite nice. I love putting makeup on it, playing features up. I still have acne, even though I am pretty consistent with washing my face in the morning and at night (I seldom fall asleep for the night with makeup still on). Which, weren't we promised we would grow out of pimples? I'm 36. I'm ready for it to be done!
At least I'm not showing signs of aging. The dark circles under my eyes aren't a sign of getting older as I inherited them from my father and have had them most of my life. (Pro tip: a week of sleep deprivation and forgetting you are wearing mascara makes it look like you haven't slept possibly ever in your life. And when you have pale skin, it really stands out.) I have slight laugh lines that you have to look for to find. I've been blessed that way.
I do have oily skin. Not combination. There's not a part of this face that is dry. There's not-quite-oily in the cheeks to almost-permanent-shine on the forehead, sides of nose, and chin. And everything in between.
Even though the most of me is fat, my face doesn't really show it. No double chin. Killer cheekbones, with pronounce hollows. If I ever did motivate to lose weight, I'd put James Marsters to shame.
I have long, thick, curly, dark blonde/golden brown hair. Like what the commercials make you believe you want to have. I love my hair. However, just know, it's not as great as you think. It's super dry and prone to breakage even though I never let heating elements near it and only wash it once or twice a week (trust me, it's more than enough). It frizzes if there a hint of humidity (most of my hair care regiment is designed to domesticate the frizz, but alas, it is feral and sometimes needs to be free).
All that being said, there are the times when I feel down on myself and need to be reminded that out there someone saw past those flaws.
I was in my mid-20's and was visiting my mom in the state over. We were shopping at a Value City type store (if you know what I'm talking about). I hadn't put much effort in. If I remember correctly, I was in jeans and baggy sweatshirt or sweater. Minimal makeup. (because I at least face the world with concealer if nothing else. I need it. See above.) Hair off my face, probably twisted in a clip.
I was cutting through the shoes, likely looking for my mother as she tends to wonder off when we are shopping together. Passing one of the aisles, clocked a mother and her daughter. Didn't pay too close attention but I would say she was around 4 or 5 (obviously much older now).
Anyways, when I passed, I heard the girl say, "Mama, she's so pretty."
There was no one else around.
She was talking about me.
You know how they say kids are brutally honest. I hope she was.
Now, you have to understand, in my entire life, outside of family, I've been told I am pretty maybe three-four times max. Not, "You look pretty." Not, "You look nice." I'm talking, "You are pretty." As in it's not the outfit, or the effort. But myself, the person.
As I said, I don't don't think I'm a dog. But it's still nice to be told that.
At least I'm not showing signs of aging. The dark circles under my eyes aren't a sign of getting older as I inherited them from my father and have had them most of my life. (Pro tip: a week of sleep deprivation and forgetting you are wearing mascara makes it look like you haven't slept possibly ever in your life. And when you have pale skin, it really stands out.) I have slight laugh lines that you have to look for to find. I've been blessed that way.
I do have oily skin. Not combination. There's not a part of this face that is dry. There's not-quite-oily in the cheeks to almost-permanent-shine on the forehead, sides of nose, and chin. And everything in between.
Even though the most of me is fat, my face doesn't really show it. No double chin. Killer cheekbones, with pronounce hollows. If I ever did motivate to lose weight, I'd put James Marsters to shame.
I have long, thick, curly, dark blonde/golden brown hair. Like what the commercials make you believe you want to have. I love my hair. However, just know, it's not as great as you think. It's super dry and prone to breakage even though I never let heating elements near it and only wash it once or twice a week (trust me, it's more than enough). It frizzes if there a hint of humidity (most of my hair care regiment is designed to domesticate the frizz, but alas, it is feral and sometimes needs to be free).
All that being said, there are the times when I feel down on myself and need to be reminded that out there someone saw past those flaws.
I was in my mid-20's and was visiting my mom in the state over. We were shopping at a Value City type store (if you know what I'm talking about). I hadn't put much effort in. If I remember correctly, I was in jeans and baggy sweatshirt or sweater. Minimal makeup. (because I at least face the world with concealer if nothing else. I need it. See above.) Hair off my face, probably twisted in a clip.
I was cutting through the shoes, likely looking for my mother as she tends to wonder off when we are shopping together. Passing one of the aisles, clocked a mother and her daughter. Didn't pay too close attention but I would say she was around 4 or 5 (obviously much older now).
Anyways, when I passed, I heard the girl say, "Mama, she's so pretty."
There was no one else around.
She was talking about me.
You know how they say kids are brutally honest. I hope she was.
Now, you have to understand, in my entire life, outside of family, I've been told I am pretty maybe three-four times max. Not, "You look pretty." Not, "You look nice." I'm talking, "You are pretty." As in it's not the outfit, or the effort. But myself, the person.
As I said, I don't don't think I'm a dog. But it's still nice to be told that.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Entry #4: The Day
Without going into details, this date is an important day. I have been thinking about it since the date changed in the corner of my screen at midnight.
It would have been 21 years today. I'm, of course, dealing with it much better than I did a few years ago.
It's never been far from my mind. It likely never will be. I still regret that one thing and will likely never forgive myself for it. Even if it wasn't what caused it to happen.
It has changed me forever.
It would have been 21 years today. I'm, of course, dealing with it much better than I did a few years ago.
It's never been far from my mind. It likely never will be. I still regret that one thing and will likely never forgive myself for it. Even if it wasn't what caused it to happen.
It has changed me forever.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Entry #3: A Talent I Lack But Wish To Have
I really hadn't forgot to make a post this week. I just didn't know what to post about. I didn't have the time to dedicate to a more substantial topic and never could fully form an idea.
So, instead I'm going to post some of my favorite fan vids, covering several fandoms. Because that's how I roll.
I wish I had the talent/time/patience/know-how to make fan vids. I have ideas. I songs picked out. I have the vids storyboarded in my head. I'm the same way about Photoshop. For now, I'll leave it to the professionals.
My two favorite vids of all time come from Doctor Who.
First, "Scattered" by Di Wey. It's set to my favorite Muse song (actually this vid is the reason why it's my favorite Muse song), "Map of the Problematique."
Next, "Touched" by HRS1812, which uses "Touched" by VAST. It's just fantastic and about my OTP to end all OTPs, Doctor/Rose.
Moving on to True Blood; specifically, Eric Northman. Of course there are many vids set to Mumford and Sons' "Little Lion Man" but this is the one that just...fits. It's by lolilie.
Go Human Beings! Yes, it's time to Chang to Community. There are many famous (even infamous) fanvids for this show but this Girl With a Dragon Tattoo mash-up is the one I've rewatched the most. It uses the trailer cut of Karen O/Trent Reznor's "The Immigrant's Song" and it's by saroufims93.
A current trend is to use Lorde's cover of "Everybody Wants to Rule the World". This is my pick of that liter (at least thus far) and it's by KristinaOrtutova. I have no shame in my love of The Originals, especially, Elijah and his and Haley's relationship.
They say your OTP is the couple you think of when you hear Coldplay's "Fix You." Well, that will always be The Doctor and Rose for me. However, I'm really fond of this Oliver/Felicity of Arrow version, also by KristinaOrtutova. (And as they are the couple currently taking up most of my brain, I can share.)
I couldn't possibly not have my number two OTP, Spike and Buffy of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on here. I have many songs I associate with them, but "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars is one of the most perfect that I can't associate with anyone else. This is by SpuffyPr0ductions and she called it "I Still Choose You".
I am a complete sucker for epic moments set to 30 Seconds to Mars' "This Is War". There are many I could choose from, but I'm going to to go with the first one I saw. It's by agentofchaos and it's all Harry Potter.
I'm going to finish with my current favorite vid. It's the MCU up through Thor 2 (as Cap 2 isn't in an easily accessible HD format, I'm sure.) It's by lim and according to them, the music is "Festivo" by Keiichi Suzuki.
So, instead I'm going to post some of my favorite fan vids, covering several fandoms. Because that's how I roll.
I wish I had the talent/time/patience/know-how to make fan vids. I have ideas. I songs picked out. I have the vids storyboarded in my head. I'm the same way about Photoshop. For now, I'll leave it to the professionals.
My two favorite vids of all time come from Doctor Who.
First, "Scattered" by Di Wey. It's set to my favorite Muse song (actually this vid is the reason why it's my favorite Muse song), "Map of the Problematique."
Next, "Touched" by HRS1812, which uses "Touched" by VAST. It's just fantastic and about my OTP to end all OTPs, Doctor/Rose.
Moving on to True Blood; specifically, Eric Northman. Of course there are many vids set to Mumford and Sons' "Little Lion Man" but this is the one that just...fits. It's by lolilie.
Go Human Beings! Yes, it's time to Chang to Community. There are many famous (even infamous) fanvids for this show but this Girl With a Dragon Tattoo mash-up is the one I've rewatched the most. It uses the trailer cut of Karen O/Trent Reznor's "The Immigrant's Song" and it's by saroufims93.
A current trend is to use Lorde's cover of "Everybody Wants to Rule the World". This is my pick of that liter (at least thus far) and it's by KristinaOrtutova. I have no shame in my love of The Originals, especially, Elijah and his and Haley's relationship.
They say your OTP is the couple you think of when you hear Coldplay's "Fix You." Well, that will always be The Doctor and Rose for me. However, I'm really fond of this Oliver/Felicity of Arrow version, also by KristinaOrtutova. (And as they are the couple currently taking up most of my brain, I can share.)
I couldn't possibly not have my number two OTP, Spike and Buffy of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on here. I have many songs I associate with them, but "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars is one of the most perfect that I can't associate with anyone else. This is by SpuffyPr0ductions and she called it "I Still Choose You".
I am a complete sucker for epic moments set to 30 Seconds to Mars' "This Is War". There are many I could choose from, but I'm going to to go with the first one I saw. It's by agentofchaos and it's all Harry Potter.
I'm going to finish with my current favorite vid. It's the MCU up through Thor 2 (as Cap 2 isn't in an easily accessible HD format, I'm sure.) It's by lim and according to them, the music is "Festivo" by Keiichi Suzuki.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Entry #2- Know This
"Write what you know," they say. Whoever they are, I'll take their advice.
I know who I am (though I don't know how others see me, let alone if they see the real me).
I know what I love (and do so pretty strongly).
I know I am a decent writer (and honestly, my dream job is to write trashy romance novels; that or be a professional entertainment writer).
I know that I am Christian (and also know, while I am proud to state that fact, am not the best Christian I could be and is something I am working on and struggling with).
I know I am completely a cat person and not at all a dog person.
I know that I should exercise to help my body but my body is part of what prevents me from exercising.
I know I am tired. Both in body and spirit and of oh so many things.
I know I hold a lot of unpopular opinions (for example, that character you love? I likely hate and the more you tell me I should love them; the more I will hate them) but chose not to share them because I think there is already too much negativity out there.
I know I am a total solitary introvert and that makes a lot of people uncomfortable that I am so comfortable with my own (and my cats') company.
I know that I am also a hopeless romantic but the previous statement doesn't lend itself to a lifestyle where I can meet someone. (I have never had or been asked on a date and never been kissed. And not in the clever Drew Barrymore sort of way. More of a Steve Carrel 40-year-old virgin sort of way. And I'm four years short of being that.)
I know I am a fiercely loyal friend and expect the same; as such, if I don't get that I can drop you easily. Which may not be fair but its who I am (and referring to two statements up, doesn't bother me as much as it probably should.)
I know my favorite color is green but only specific shades of it.
I know I love Disney, especially the theme parks and specifically Walt Disney World and am a snob about that fact. I also know that if anyone tells you they are too old for it, doesn't deserve it anyway.
I know most people wouldn't want to play pop culture trivia games with me and I would easily win.
I know I have dry skin on my legs and scalp and my hair is super dry but an oily face. And what is up with that? My forehead, always needs moping up, the hairline next it? Constantly flaky (but it's not dandruff, it's dry scalp).
I know I have curly hair that I am in a daily battle with to keep as minimally frizzed as possible. I only wash it once, maybe twice, a week. Only air dry it. Use no tools on it. Yet, all kinds of breakage.
I know I have lived in the same house my whole life and that I will not leave it unless forcibly removed from it.
I know am a fair cook. I'd likely never win a contest on the Food Network but can follow a recipe like nobody's business.
I know I am forgetting things I wanted to add to the post but can't remember what they are.
And I know that Oliver Queen is not alone and Felicity Smoak believes in him. (Yes, there will be a lot of pop culture references here.)
I know who I am (though I don't know how others see me, let alone if they see the real me).
I know what I love (and do so pretty strongly).
I know I am a decent writer (and honestly, my dream job is to write trashy romance novels; that or be a professional entertainment writer).
I know that I am Christian (and also know, while I am proud to state that fact, am not the best Christian I could be and is something I am working on and struggling with).
I know I am completely a cat person and not at all a dog person.
I know that I should exercise to help my body but my body is part of what prevents me from exercising.
I know I am tired. Both in body and spirit and of oh so many things.
I know I hold a lot of unpopular opinions (for example, that character you love? I likely hate and the more you tell me I should love them; the more I will hate them) but chose not to share them because I think there is already too much negativity out there.
I know I am a total solitary introvert and that makes a lot of people uncomfortable that I am so comfortable with my own (and my cats') company.
I know that I am also a hopeless romantic but the previous statement doesn't lend itself to a lifestyle where I can meet someone. (I have never had or been asked on a date and never been kissed. And not in the clever Drew Barrymore sort of way. More of a Steve Carrel 40-year-old virgin sort of way. And I'm four years short of being that.)
I know I am a fiercely loyal friend and expect the same; as such, if I don't get that I can drop you easily. Which may not be fair but its who I am (and referring to two statements up, doesn't bother me as much as it probably should.)
I know my favorite color is green but only specific shades of it.
I know I love Disney, especially the theme parks and specifically Walt Disney World and am a snob about that fact. I also know that if anyone tells you they are too old for it, doesn't deserve it anyway.
I know most people wouldn't want to play pop culture trivia games with me and I would easily win.
I know I have dry skin on my legs and scalp and my hair is super dry but an oily face. And what is up with that? My forehead, always needs moping up, the hairline next it? Constantly flaky (but it's not dandruff, it's dry scalp).
I know I have curly hair that I am in a daily battle with to keep as minimally frizzed as possible. I only wash it once, maybe twice, a week. Only air dry it. Use no tools on it. Yet, all kinds of breakage.
I know I have lived in the same house my whole life and that I will not leave it unless forcibly removed from it.
I know am a fair cook. I'd likely never win a contest on the Food Network but can follow a recipe like nobody's business.
I know I am forgetting things I wanted to add to the post but can't remember what they are.
And I know that Oliver Queen is not alone and Felicity Smoak believes in him. (Yes, there will be a lot of pop culture references here.)
Monday, August 11, 2014
Entry #1- The Purpose
So, why did I start this? Well, I turned 36 today. Last night I was pondering doing something with this year. I decided to create a blog (aside from my LiveJournal, Twitter, Tumblr, etc.) and then thought what to do with it.
Actually, I came up with the idea while reading this book. It had, in the first chapter, the classic cliche, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride." And I thought to myself, "Never a bridesmaid, never a bride." And then thought about writing what that meant to me. So, there's a possible future entry.
Anyways, after some pondering I decided I am going to try to post at least once a week for the next year. There will be no set theme or topic. Just whatever I feel like talking about. I say "try" because I may post more than once or end up abandoning the whole thing. But this is a start.
Let's see how it all goes.
Actually, I came up with the idea while reading this book. It had, in the first chapter, the classic cliche, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride." And I thought to myself, "Never a bridesmaid, never a bride." And then thought about writing what that meant to me. So, there's a possible future entry.
Anyways, after some pondering I decided I am going to try to post at least once a week for the next year. There will be no set theme or topic. Just whatever I feel like talking about. I say "try" because I may post more than once or end up abandoning the whole thing. But this is a start.
Let's see how it all goes.
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